A Lifeless Mannequin
by xBrokenStars
Summary: "I'm shattered, a broken doll, a lifeless mannequin" The horror story of Alois' life
1. Green Eyes Don't Lie

_Listen to: Green Eyes Don't Lie- Envy on the Coast_

_I'm shattered_  
_A broken doll_  
_A lifeless mannequin_

I laid there silently, taking in the plush feel of the blanket, knowing it wouldn't last for long. The rich colors surrounding me swirled around in my mind until everything became a blur. Sighing, I began to drift away.

A hard slap brought me back to reality. My cheek stung, and grimaced as I remembered where I was. A dingy room with shadows lurking everywhere due to the lack of light. I never did like the dark. All the shadows hiding in crevices of blackness, they frighten me. Right next to me as I sleep, I get so paranoid that one of them will turn out to be real. My mind terrifies me sometimes. It's like a deep, dark abyss with no light. Even in the morning... dawn does not mean peacefulness.

But this was my home. And I was one of the lucky ones. A few others like me had their own rooms with a bed and a few tattered blankets. We were allowed to leave our rooms, with permission. The others were treated horribly. Several of them were crammed in a room with no door, expected to sleep on a few broken mattresses, and not freeze at night in the cold basement.

No one knew where, or if, they would wake up. I remember once, that almost all of us were killed for a reason I never found out. Only two other boys and I remained. We were privileged enough to not be killed. But I'm not sure that was a privilege, considering what we had to do to survive.

My strategy was to rise above the ranks by becoming the favorite. His favorite little boy. I knew what I was doing, and I tried to ignore every thought that crossed my mind. It wasn't my choice, it was only what I had to do. The more I faked enjoying this life, the better I was treated.

I stared at the simple gray walls, my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. Did I want something more than a life like this? It wasn't possible. This was the only thing I knew now.

_You're never gonna see the dawning,_  
_Of this beautiful day_

Without a knock, the door to my room swung open. "He would like to see you." I knew those words would come soon. I dreaded the thought.

I stripped off my clothes, covered up with a red silk robe, and walked up to his room.

Entering the room, I stood before him with an expressionless face. With an expression of glee, he stared at me. That disgusting, creepy look he gave sent shivers up my spine. Why did he adore me so much out of all the others? I was the one who he called for the most. I just didn't understand why I was so wanted.

"Lay down." His gruff voice commanded. I was obedient and laid down on the bed. If I didn't obey, bad things were sure to happen. Punishment here could range from being slapped to being tortured. That's why some of the others died off. They challenged him too much. I had learned to obey every command.

For what seemed like eternity, he abused me. I just took the pain. It was what I was used to.

_So did the thought cross your mind_  
_That there is something more to life,_  
_Than bed sheets and blankets, full of lies?_

Afterward, I laid there naked on the bed. Used. Empty. The feeling always accompanied me when I did this. While I'm doing what he tells me, I feel wanted. But by the time it's over, I just realize he is using me. And sometimes, I don't feel a damn thing.


	2. Last Resort

_Listen to: Last Resort- Papa Roach_

I sat in silence and wondered if someday, all the demons who dwelled in my heart would consume me. Because I would be fine with that. It would be better than living in this hell, anyway. I would say my lifestyle should have killed me by now, but I was already dead. My innocence, my youth, my heart had all died the night I came here. Here to serve others, bow down as a slave. It disgusted me, but I did what I could to rise through the ranks.

An animalistic sound made its way through my throat. It began as a low growl, turning into a screech, reminiscent of an animal about to attack. I gripped my wrist tightly and pulled my hair with the other hand. I couldn't hear a sound but silence now. My arm was growing numb and I realized, taking my hand off, there were deep crescent shaped marks in my skin. I released my other hand and a few strands of hair fell to the ground. It wasn't enough.

My eyes wide, teeth gritted, nails digging into my wrist. I searched the room for something, anything. I needed something sharp, to take all the pain away. I bit my wrist, making the blood flow to the surface, yet not cut open my skin. My hands wandered to my torso as I pulled up my shirt and used the sharpest edges of my nails. Small lines etched themselves onto my stomach. But still, I felt the pain. I needed to make myself completely numb. Punching my side with a fist, I realized it would bruise but didn't care. I literally slammed myself against the wall, finally collapsing on my bed.

I didn't see what I did as "self harm." To me, it was more of a normality. A way to express the hatred I had for myself. Suicide was a regularly occurring thought. It didn't bother me that I hated myself. I had gotten used to it. So used to it, in fact, that I thought it was the way I was supposed to live.

Scars lined the inside of my thighs, and a few scattered on my wrists. Straight lines of pain and hatred, years of it all etched onto my body.

_Do you even care if I die bleeding?_

Of course no one noticed, and if they did, who would there be to care? I wasn't an actual person. Only a little pawn in the chessboard of someone else's life.

_Hungry feeding on chaos and living in sin_

_Downward spiral, where do I begin_

I disappointed myself so much. When I was a child, I had told Luka the world would be better if there was no one living there except us. I didn't realize how literally my dream would come true. To see your entire village burn down, what a tragedy. It was a vision I would never forget. Not only that, but to see my younger brother lying dead on the ground. It pained me to think that I had caused this. I convinced myself that I did it all. I was the one who carried out my vision. To this day, I have no idea how it all happened. All that I know is that I blame myself.

Then I was taken here, to live in a world of sin and expect to enjoy it. I regretted every moment of it, yet I couldn't escape.

_I can't go on living this way_

I was trapped in a spider's web, and there was nothing I could do about it.


End file.
